How to grow your marriage

The Art of Cultivating Love

Men, my brothers in Christ, I say this to you as well as to me: We need to stop thinking about marriage from our own traditions and cultural worldly experiences, and align our minds with the way God sees marriage. We need to stop seeing our wives the way worldly men see their wives.

Marriage is not sex, food, and laundry on demand. It’s not about the card, flowers, and chocolates on one special Valentines day each year. It’s not about doing the same old same old that you saw in your house, or see in the culture. It’s not the heart of the hunter: “Now that I got you, just be my wife for life.” It’s the heart of the farmer: It’s about growing our marriages daily. Marriage is the art of cultivating love by sowing deeds that meet each other’s needs—every day. It’s not effortless and passive. It’s hard work. It’s the constant, disciplined, habitual repetition of thoughtful actions and kindnesses towards each other. Love is a discipline. It’s thinking about the other as you would want her to think about you. It’s a determined, intentional focus on each other.

Ask your wife to take this simple one minute quiz, and you’ll learn a little about how to love her in the way she needs to be loved.

“Honey on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the most important to you) how much would each of these mean to you?”:

_______ Daily hug(s)
_______ A kind word
_______ Listening to me without interrupting when I’m frustrated
_______ Being understanding when my hormones change my moods
_______ A surprise dinner
_______ A night out at least every two weeks
_______ Doing something that focuses your attention on me
_______ Putting away the cell phone and leaving business at work
_______ Giving me your undivided focus and attention for at least an hour
_______ A strong, tender back rub with your masculine hands
_______ (add your own)