Love Listens Part 2

Learn to listen by giving each other full and undivided attention.

Listening is more than hearing and trying to prepare a response.  Sometimes, we are too busy waiting for our turn to talk, or preparing a legal brief in our minds that will prove our points. We need to give full and undivided attention to the ones we love.  

Ask effective questions.  

Effective listening demands more than silent attention. It requires actively engaging others by asking questions for clarification.  “Just now when you said that…were you trying to say …?” “I don’t mean to interrupt you, but I don’t think that I fully understood what you meant when you said…”  “Could you help me by repeating that just one more time? “Okay, I think I am beginning to understand you: are you saying that…?”

Learn to listen by giving each other full and undivided attention. Listening is more than hearing and trying to prepare a response.  Sometimes, we are too busy waiting for our turn to talk, or preparing a legal brief in our minds that will prove our points. We need to give full and undivided attention to the ones we love.  

Ask effective questions.  Effective listening demands more than silent attention. It requires actively engaging others by asking questions for clarification.  “Just now when you said that…were you trying to say …?” “I don’t mean to interrupt you, but I don’t think that I fully understood what you meant when you said…”  “Could you help me by repeating that just one more time? “Okay, I think I am beginning to understand you: are you saying that…?”






Wait and meditate.  Honor what you have heard by asking for time to think deeply about it.  Too often, we use listening as a technique, but our insincerity shows up quickly in our pre-packaged prescriptions.  We offer solutions without understanding the problems. This is a terrible habit because it confirms that we were just practicing some phony listening technique.  What we must do, instead, is learn to meditate on the weight of our spouse’s words long enough to gain a true understanding of his or her deepest needs.

What prevents us from listening?
Pride, defensiveness, disrespect, and false assumptions clog our ears and prevent us from attending sincerely to our spouse’s words and feelings.  Don’t assume that you already “know” what someone is trying to say: this is dangerous. The human mind is wonderfully and frustratingly complex. People are not always who we think they are, and they hide their true feelings from us when they recognize that we are just pretending to listen.



 


Wait and meditate.  

Honor what you have heard by asking for time to think deeply about it.  Too often, we use listening as a technique, but our insincerity shows up quickly in our pre-packaged prescriptions.  We offer solutions without understanding the problems. This is a terrible habit because it confirms that we were just practicing some phony listening technique.  What we must do, instead, is learn to meditate on the weight of our spouse’s words long enough to gain a true understanding of his or her deepest needs.

What prevents us from listening?
Pride, defensiveness, disrespect, and false assumptions clog our ears and prevent us from attending sincerely to our spouse’s words and feelings.  Don’t assume that you already “know” what someone is trying to say: this is dangerous. The human mind is wonderfully and frustratingly complex. People are not always who we think they are, and they hide their true feelings from us when they recognize that we are just pretending to listen.