Marriage and Money

Marital conflicts can easily arise over the way money is spent or not spent.  Husbands and wives come into marriage with very different views about money. But these conflicts can be resolved if couples sow the Seed of Ownership.  Money is just a means to an end—a way to obtain what we desire.
Financial conflicts are not really about money. The real source of conflict is the value (or lack of value) that we place upon our own and our spouse’s desires.  One spouse may place a high value on security, and so he or she tries to save every penny for the proverbial rainy day. The other spouse may place a higher value on getting and enjoying the things that money can buy.  He or she will buy that pair of shoes as a means of enjoyment and reward, no matter how much it costs. One spouse desires security, so he or she saves; the other desires satisfaction by accumulating good things, so he or she spends.  Who’s right, who’s wrong? Neither!
Conflict develops, however, when one spouse doesn’t regard the other’s desires as necessary or important. Then the other spouse feels judged and devalued.  Resentment grows, and communication and mutual understanding become nearly impossible. This is why the Seed of Ownership is necessary. We must learn to see each other’s desires as our own.  This doesn’t mean that whatever we do (or don’t do) with money is always right. Neither does it mean that each spouse has a right to do whatever he or she pleases with money. It does mean, however, that couples must replace judgment and criticism with empathy and understanding. This actually strengthens each spouse’s ability to influence the other with principle-based financial wisdom.