Plowing Past a Painful Past and Promoting a Promising Future

It would be unwise and destructive
to spend your present living in the past. Your
goal is to do and say what needs to be done
and said in order to remove the major
obstacles that are keeping you from moving
forward in your marriage. You are going back
—for a very brief period—in order to go
forward. If you keep dwelling on the past, it will
become your future.

When you decide to learn from your past,
proceed with faith in God’s redemptive power,
and refuse to accuse. Commit to going over
the issues that must be discussed to get to a
new day, but begin in the atmosphere of
forgiveness. The past cannot be discussed
effectively without a spirit of forgiveness.
Here are some suggestions for beginning a
positive conversation about the past: “I need to
tell you what I have been feeling.” “I need for
you to understand my pain, but I love you, and
I am not doing this to hurt you.” “I know we
can’t change the past, but I believe that we can
learn valuable lessons that will help us to use those broken pieces as building blocks for a better future.”