Now let me be clear: This does not mean that you have to go over every painful mistake in the past. It would be unwise and destructive to spend your present by living in the past. Your goal is to do and say what needs to be done and said in order to remove the major obstacles that are keeping you from moving forward in your marriage. You are going back—for a very brief period—in order to go forward. If you keep dwelling on the past, it will become your future.