“What have you done for me lately?” That was the name of a popular song in the 80’s. Unfortunately it’s the same song we sing in our marriages. We tend to judge each other and our relationship by the latest or last word, feeling, or experience. If it’s bad, then it’s all bad and we see our spouse and our marriage in a negative light. We need to remember the good– to write it down when it happens, and to judge our relationships by our best moments so that we can see each other in the best light.
When my wife and I are tempted to become angry with each other, we instantly change our focus by repeating the following affirmations to ourselves: “Hey, wait a minute, this is the same person that helped me get over a problem last week.” “How can I get so angry with someone who has done so much for me?” “Wow! I can’t believe I’m getting upset with someone who has been so kind to me on so many different occasions. It’s just not fair to see him (or her) in such a negative way.”
Try this. It works. Mercy and love always triumph over judgment.