What If I’m Married to an Unbeliever?

“. . .in the same way. . .if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by. . .behavior. . .”

(I Peter 3:1, NIV)

If your spouse is currently an unbeliever, you must sow the Seed of Faith by believing in the power of one to save two. You must continually reaffirm the biblical truth that God can use you to redeem your spouse. But this is not done by preaching to and arguing with your husband or wife.

If your spouse doesn’t share your faith in God or your feelings about the marriage, remember that the only person you can change or directly control in your marriage is yourself. Just think for a moment how much time and energy you have wasted trying to change your spouse. All of your efforts have inevitably led to failure and frustration. When you spend most of your time trying to change your spouse’s attitudes and actions, it shows that you are blaming him or her for the troubles in your home. And while this might be true— while his or her behavior may be the primary problem— your fixation on his or her attitudes will cause you to think of yourself as a powerless victim embittered and imprisoned by someone else’s immaturity. That’s a recipe for disaster.

But there’s a better way: focus on transforming yourself more and more into the personality of Christ through the power that Christ has already given to you. Remember the truth: you are the only person that you can change immediately and directly. And when you begin to change yourself, those changes will influence your spouse and cause him or her to want to make positive changes also. So if you want to change what you have been experiencing in your marriage—if you want to go from slow death to joyful life—begin the process today of renewing your mind with the Seed of Faith. Renew your mind to renew your marriage. Keep seeing your spouse as he or she can become in Christ. Keep saying and praying God’s promises.

Remember that no matter how you feel, there’s always hope. Even if you’re the only one who seems to care about the marriage, keep persevering. You can begin changing your marriage by changing yourself. Keep sowing the Seed of Faith because you have the power of God within you to save your spouse and your marriage.